Thanks to our Facebook Friend Darwin Jones for the compilation of Thanksgiving Etiquette! Please Govern Yourself Accordingly!
By The Jones Brothers
1. START ON TIME!!! We got ish to do. 1 o’clock means 1pm not 2, 3:45, 5, 6, or 7 pm.
2. Don’t get in the food line asking questions about the food. “Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that; who made it?
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, they are not allowed to make their own plate. Have them to wash their hands and sit the h@ll down.
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are no longer suffering from hemorrhoids or that Junebug beat his weed charge for the 19th time.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go for seconds!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don’t let us catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware .
7. Do not leave my house with anything that doesn’t belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. Any parent that is not present at the time of closing, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, WE will call CPS!!
9. There will be no IMPROMPTU sleep overs! GET A ROOM. You are to come and eat your dinner then take your @$$ home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 10:00 PM.
10. ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! If you want more…There will be a cash register at the door and due to the misunderstanding during Easter dinner, we now have a credit card machine. So Visa and Mastercard are now being accepted.
11. Argue with your crazy @$$ family member later. This is a day of thanksgiving. Besides, you knew that they were crazy before you invited them.
12. Smoke weed and get drunk afterwards at your own d@mn house. We got kids and good jobs/careers. Ain’t nobody got time for your bs.
13. If you are vegan, vegetarian, don’t eat pork, or just picky…bring your own d@mn food.
14. Ain’t no plus one. Don’t bring no stray @$$ people to my house, you were barely invited.
15. If you didn’t cook anything, bring anything, or buy anything…shut the h@// up.
16. If you have a big beard or lots of hair…wear a hair net.
17. Don’t touch my tv remote, order pay per view or try to watch inappropriate shows on my television.
18. If you have warrants or are a deadbeat parent, you are not welcome to dinner.
19. Don’t show up on new clothes if you owe family members money.
20. Warn us if you are bringing a new guy or girl so things won’t be awkward for Uncle Junior;you know he has Dementia.
21. Don’t be asking when someone is getting married, having children, or finishing school, mind your own business.
22. If you know you can’t cook; don’t!!!… Bring cups, plates, ice, or paper towels.
23. If your bad @$$ kids act up, don’t worry, we will whip them in front of the others as a warning.
24. Don’t bring that weird friend nobody likes, it’s awkward. Besides we know y’all live together as a couple.
25. Don’t make to-go plates for you “man or woman” that didn’t want to come meet the family…🙊🙊
26. Don’t argue with your mate at the table; LIG y’all are into it, keep that negative energy at home.